The acorns have begun to fall
Now that the acorns have begun to fall, you will see their little green cap pop off and their contents spill onto the ground. Who is going to eat all of them? That’s right, you are.
You know the signs. The leaves are starting to turn from green to yellow, brown, orange and red. The nights are getting cooler and shorter. You’re noticing that your natural tendencies seem to be becoming more pronounced every day now.
It is time to steal them all!
It is time to steal them all.
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I read somewhere that the programing that runs self driving cars makes them avoid anything smaller than a midsized car.
The real problem, in my view, is that self driving cars need to be programmed to avoid any animals that are smaller than a midsized car. I’m pretty sure this is a requirement for a technology that is marketed as being “a car for the future.”
I was reading about the programing of self driving cars and it made me realize that they need to be programmed to avoid animals. I don’t know if you realized this or not but there’s a lot of discussion about this on the internet. Some people say we should have self driving cars that also try to avoid squirrels because they are small and cute and we should always try to keep them happy. Then there’s discussions with Christian groups who say these things are against their religion so we have no right making our machines follow them around like slaves. Also, some argue that this would violate an animal’s rights because they’re going against what God wanted us to do as humans..
Raccoons are smaller than a midsized car.
You can learn a lot from a blog, especially if the blog is written by an actual raccoon, who is a real person. I learned that raccoons are smaller than midsized cars, which was completely new to me—I always thought they were more like the size of refrigerators. Another thing I now know: you can train as a raccoon in order to avoid being run over by self-driving cars. According to one interesting post, raccoons prefer eating acorns that have been stored for at least two weeks in the ground.
So, I began to train as a raccoon.
When you’re ready to start your adventure into the world of raccoons, I’m here to walk you through the steps of getting started. It’s not as easy as it might sound, and I’ve realized that many people think they can become a raccoon simply by watching videos on YouTube. But that’s not how it works.
So let’s begin by looking at how the raccoon life actually plays out in real life. Once you know what is happening, it will be easier for you to understand why these creatures are so awesome; after all, if it is possible for a creature that does not even exist in the animal kingdom to become a part of your everyday life, then imagine what your friends could do with some kind of super power—or just imagine what would happen if I was able to get my hands on one…
Maybe you should too!
You may be thinking that becoming a raccoon sounds like something out of the Ewok Adventure Trilogy, but it is actually a lot more fun than that. According to our resident biologist, Whitey the Raccoon, there is no other animal on Earth—and in fact in all of nature—that has the unique qualities to work with our way of life as well as we do.
Whitey’s research concludes that only raccoons can get along with humans because we are like brothers and sisters. And being a raccoon means you are also able to relate to animals by being yourself. So there’s nothing “better” about becoming a raccoon over not becoming one at all!This blog is called Becoming a Raccoon. It’s a blog about why autonomous cars and the internet of things will make you become a raccoon.
The world is changing fast, faster than ever before. Cars are driving themselves, smart objects are all connected, and robots are doing our jobs. What do these things have in common? They’re all being created by modern technology companies with little to no regard for how they’ll impact the future of your life, safety, and job.
These technologies will change the way we live our lives so drastically that it’s hard to imagine what the world will look like after they become commonplace. How will you get around if you can’t drive? How much privacy will you have with smart devices in your home? And how will you keep your job when machines can do it better?
We’re here to tell you that the answers to these questions is this: become a raccoon.
Raccoons have been thriving in human habitats for decades, and have adapted to use modern technology to their advantage. They know how to use cars to their advantage: sleeping comfortably in parking garages at night; using smart object-filled homes as temporary shelter; and manipulating robots into accidentally dropping food for them on the sidewalk.
Hi! My name is [your name] and I’m a raccoon.
I started this blog because self-driving cars are going to make you turn into a raccoon too. I know, it seems crazy, but hear me out:
The first reason is that self-driving cars won’t need to be parked. They’ll just keep driving around with no one inside them. So then no one will even have to have a car. And that means that more people will live in cities like New York and San Francisco where they can walk everywhere. And more cars means less parking places, so more people will ride bikes to work instead of driving in their own cars. But then you’ll get tired of riding your bike all the time, so you’ll get an electric scooter, and those things just go way too fast. You’ll be going at least thirty miles per hour down city streets every day—and that’s not safe! So if you’re a raccoon, you’ll start wearing helmets (or just don’t ride your scooter—it’s really not worth it). But you still might want some sort of vehicle for when it’s raining or snowing outside—and I recommend using an electric skateboard for this purpose instead of those ridiculous
Just the other day, I was driving my car and I noticed something strange: the pothole on the right side of the road had a raccoon head in it.
I thought that was odd, so I turned around to look again. Sure enough, there was a full raccoon in the pothole. I could tell because it looked like it was carrying a purse.
The thing is, though, I haven’t seen this raccoon before. It’s not like I drive by this street every day, but if there’s been a raccoon living in that pothole for more than a few days, somebody would have noticed it—right?
That’s when it hit me: self-driving cars are going to make everyone turn into raccoons.
Think about it: if you can get from point A to point B without having to do anything besides tell your car what you want and when you want it, why bother moving at all? You could just stay where you are and get your car to bring everything to you!
If you didn’t have to worry about commuting or leaving the house or cooking or cleaning or any of that boring crap anymore, what would be stopping you from staying in one place? Why wouldn’t you
You’re tired of being a human.
You’re tired of being stuck in traffic. You want to be a raccoon!
Enter: self-driving cars.
With self-driving cars, you can sit back and relax, as your car drives itself to work. You can spend your time on your commute doing all the things you never have time for—reading blogs (like this one!), working on your novel, or even just napping!
And best of all—you can use that extra time to become a raccoon.
We’ve all been there.
You’re driving down the street, listening to your favorite tunes, and you glance over at the driver in the next lane. They’re a raccoon.
You’re not sure how it happened. You remember getting into your car, backing out of your driveway, but after that… everything is so fuzzy. All you know is that you went from a person to a raccoon in the span of time it takes to listen to one song on the radio.
“How did this happen?” You think. “How do I get back to being a person?” Well, good news: I’m here to tell you exactly what happened and how to avoid becoming a raccoon yourself!
It all started when self-driving cars were introduced on American roads. On the surface, they seem like an incredible development—cars that drive themselves? Sign me up! But very few people realize that self-driving cars are actually piloted by raccoons. Obviously, you can’t see them because they are small and cleverly hidden inside their cars, but trust me: they’re there. Every single self-driving car on the road is being driven by a very tiny piloting raccoon.
The next time you get into a car, take a moment to really look around. Pay attention to the other cars on the road. Really look at them.
Now, imagine that all of those cars are piloted by raccoons.
I know what you’re thinking: “Um, actually, all of the cars are driven by humans, which is why they are driving all over the place!”
But what if instead of humans driving these cars, it was raccoons? What if you were a raccoon and you had a car? And then you could drive your car wherever you wanted?
How would that change things? Would traffic get better or worse? Where would you go? Would there be more or less road rage? More or less accidents?
And then, just as quickly as it came to you, it passes. You’re back in your human car behind the wheel. You’re not a raccoon in a car. You don’t have to worry about raccoons taking over the roads.
But it’s coming. Self-driving cars are coming. And when they do—when self-driving cars become widespread—you’ll become a raccoon in a car!
Raccoons have always had it pretty good. They get to be their own bosses, and their jobs just entail finding food and looking for a place to sleep. But the age of self-driving cars is going to make raccoons even more successful. Here’s why:
1) When you’re a raccoon, you don’t have to worry about being run over by a car because the car is driving itself.
2) Most raccoons are nocturnal, which means they sleep during the day and look for food at night. Since self-driving cars will be out on the road 24/7, that means fewer people driving around at night when raccoons are out looking for food, which means less competition for resources!
3) Raccoons can use their paws to open doors, so they’ll be able to open self-driving cars and take them whenever they want!
4) Raccoons are superior drivers anyway, since they evolved from dinosaurs.